My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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