I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
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