I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
