it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
