I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's just like the Real World with babies
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
