Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
