Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
