dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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