I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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