Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
