dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
