Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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