Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i think i have two assholes
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
