Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
