sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
