Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
