Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
