I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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