I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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