Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
