New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
