That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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