She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
