I'm drive I can fine osifer
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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