I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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