no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
