like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
God I need to hump something, right now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
