Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
