we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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