Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
