Grow some girl-balls and come out already
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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