please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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