she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My vagina is officially offended.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
