That's intense
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
