Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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