I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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