First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
