he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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