Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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