when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
