If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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