It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
