I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
