i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
