Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
