i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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