just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
