I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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