I want to make a zoo with you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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