new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
